"My fiancee (Chinese) and I (very much not Chinese) met abroad. As in, a third country neither of us lived, while both traveling."
The ATM Was Part Of The Love Story
u/No_Language7295:
"Our first date (besides us meeting abroad) was me flying to Japan to treat her to a week of five star hotels and restaurants."
The OP says he had money, wanted to share it, and kept paying for expensive trips while spending time with his fiancee in China. Generosity was not a side detail. It was part of how the relationship spoke.
u/No_Language7295:
"We keep dating, I keep paying for everything, taking her to expensive destinations, living with her in China as much as I can without losing my mind over the gfw and its effect on my work."
Then came the engagement ceremony, gold, and a bride price the OP says he paid without taking money from her or her father.
u/No_Language7295:
"I respect her Zhejiang rituals and drop a massive bride price, tons of gold, ayis and shushus all oooh and aaah."
When asked how much the dowry was, he answered:
u/No_Language7295:
"一百万人民币"
Then The Paycheck Vanished
The turn came when the OP quit his job after discussing it with her, moved in, and tried to rebuild through consulting and side projects.
u/No_Language7295:
"I quit my job. After discussing it with her. She was supportive."
u/No_Language7295:
"We start fighting, a lot. I realize me being unemployed bothers her. She admits it."
He says possible work in Hong Kong would not match his old US salary. His cash cushion had taken a hit, and the old spending rhythm suddenly was not sustainable.
u/No_Language7295:
"I try to talk to her about some downsizing to avoid having to break long term investments for stupid things like Chanel bags."
u/No_Language7295:
"She seems upset that I can afford to buy her stuff she wants but don't want to buy it for her."
That is the question underneath the title: is the relationship about affection, security, a lifestyle, or some combination the couple never clearly named?
The Comments Refused A Simple Villain
u/BastardsCryinInnit:
"She can genuinely love you, treat you well and want a lifestyle funded largely by your money. Those things aren't mutually exclusive."
u/Aggravating-Growth26:
"If I entered a relationship on specific terms, and then all of a sudden my partner is changing their mind, I would be anxious and reluctant as well."
u/fangpi2023:
"You possibly just need to have a more detailed discussion about how you would each prefer to see the next 1-2 years playing out."
Another commenter rejected the easy cultural explanation:
u/reluctantmugglewrite:
"This isn't a Chinese thing this is an expectations of lifestyle thing."
The thread's cultural explanations are still commenters' interpretations. The OP's account also contains a simpler collision: he taught the relationship that luxury was normal, then asked it to absorb a reset.
Even The OP Pulled Back
The OP admitted that he may have been treating his own money system as the only rational one.
u/No_Language7295:
"I am very convinced my way is the 'right' way but she is much more conservative."
u/No_Language7295:
"I am not accusing her of anything I am working through my emotional response to the whole situation."
He also said the resignation was discussed, not sprung on her:
u/No_Language7295:
"I removed 200k income from our equation after discussing that decision with her and she agreed she cares more about my mental state than about the 200k."
u/No_Language7295:
"It's not like I woke up one day and decided 'fuck it no more fancy shit' lol"
u/Turbulent_Cranberry6:
"I don't think she knew the implications were no more Chanel bags."
Before The Wedding, Name The Deal
The thread cannot tell strangers whether the fiancee loves the OP. It can show a couple who built a marriage-sized financial expectation before agreeing what would happen when the income changed.
u/BastardsCryinInnit:
"You need to have a proper grown up conversation about what your financial life together is actually going to look like."
u/fangpi2023:
"Compromise never feels easy tbf, it involves both people having to make concessions they'd prefer to not make."
The OP's clearest closing note was not a verdict on his fiancee:
u/No_Language7295:
"Thanks for your feedback, it's useful."
Source: Original Reddit post by u/No_Language7295 in r/chinalife, with selected public replies quoted above. Quotes are preserved as a personal account; this article does not decide whether the relationship is genuine or present one couple's money conflict as universal.